Saturday, July 29, 2006

Saturday, July 29, 2006
i'm crazy these few days...kept on laughing in class then Regan say i siao...Kendrick they all kept on asking me for sweets cos of Leslie...haiz...happy for him...found someone that Regan says is chio...at 1st i think so is so so but maybe cos that she's not photogenic...maybe her real person is really chio...his nick also say "The one and only one" and "I love xiaomeimei"...ytd at ACS(i) saw a very cool guy...this is the 1st time i saw such a cool guy in ACS(i)...i haf nv seen one since the 1st time i step into the sch...it's like 2 years...i haven been studying for all the tests recently...i wonder how to pass O levels...today my organ teacher called me saying that she is sick...so no oragn lesson for today...luckily she asked me abt the application for the exam in Sep...she forgotten to give my the form last 2 week...then Sunday is the last day for application...i'm so lucky man...last theory exam i haf taken is the last day of application then apply wan...haiz..all my friends so rich sia...Samantha's mum bought her a LV pouch that cost $100 plus and a LV shirt or wad for $400 plus...then Wei Zhi and Hui En stays in a condo and i think Samatha also then dunno still got who stay in a bungalow...i think is Chirstina...ytd is Joanne's birthday...she's exactly 2 months older than me...she got so many presents...i wonder wad her bf gave her...she looked so jubilant ytd...
be true to urself
1:38 PM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
haven been blogging for some time...during this period of time, many things happened on me...but not everybody noes...my closest friends dunno wad happened and how i felt for some things...at least they are still concerned...cos i didnt tell them...i may go insane soon...i'm so afraid...i dunno why there is so much change on earth and the people i see...however, i tried to tell myself to carry on with life...i dun wan anything to corrupt my future...MEP prelim practical is coming...29 Aug...i dunno wad songs to play...then O level practical is on 18 Oct...sian man...i dunno where is my venue for my O levels cos mine is Electone then the others are piano or flute or violin or bassoon...so odd...22 July going to watch MEP orchestra performance at Vic Concert Hall...29 July watching Philharmonic Orchestra at ACS(i)...all are compulsory...if not i can save up my money...but anyway, it's gonna be good for me...i envy those ppl who can perform on the stage and there are audience that are there to see their performance cos this is one of my wishes...
be true to urself
8:46 AM

todae went to help my parents

Saturday, May 27, 2006
todae went to help my parents...my dad today morning 12am then reach home from work then he 3 plus wake up go work liao...my parents these few days so late then come back...then went for organ lesson...learn new song...Can You Feel The Love Tonight...maybe if i can learn well within 2 to 3 weeks, then i will take this song for exam then dun wan the Whiter Shade or Winter Again...actually i wanna get the Dancing Queen and Lyphard Melodie from Benjamin and Cheryl respectively but i dunno why i dun haf the courage to ask...anyway, maybe gonna get the Pokemon theme song next week...haha...



be true to urself
7:17 PM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006
ytd and today arent good cos of some probs...ytd until today, my parents keep on quarrelling...i also dunno stand where better so better not care...then i feel that theres no colours in my life these few days...dunno why...todae went for theory lesson...was quite disappointed on the rate that i'm going but nvm...slow and steady wins the race...i always tell myself that i'm better than some ppl liao and i must be brave and stay happy no matter wad be it relationship, exam or wad...however, i might fall any time...then my parents and elder brother is either work until very late or no chance to sit down and chat wif each other...but everytime my family chat is abt sch work, parents or elder brother's work and nth else liao...they always either cut my line when i wan to say something or they dun pay attention to wad am i talking abt...jus now was quite sad and afraid...at 1st was that i was on my way to theory lesson then a guy looked at me in a very fierce manner then laugh like "siao" person...it really hurts me but i dun bother to care maybe cos he is mentally ill or he is under stress...then when i was going home, 3 guys were laughing their way when they saw me...it makes me boil yet depressed but nvm cos if all these could let them be joyous, then i would be their laughing stock bah...since i cant do anything to help in the society, i would let them laugh bah...at sch also like that wad...i'm not being called by my nicknames then is the form teacher who always call my name...maybe i owe it everyone the last life...



be true to urself
11:05 PM

Friday, May 19, 2006
todae had the Career Guidance Day...ended at 1:30pm...then went to ACSi...taken back the results for the mid-year...i didnt expect my practical to be better than last year esp the 2nd piece and Mr Lee wrote my 1st piece as good coordination then 2nd piece as good contrast but some notes were missing and the intro was too soft...however, i dunno whether to be delighted or depressed cos he not as experienced as other teachers...my paper 1 flunk like siao...25 out of 100...can die...luckily my paper 2 and paper 3 help to pull up some marks but my paper 2 the melody and harmony section can be better wan...overall, i still fail...46 out of 100...sad sia...must really put in more effort for paper 2 and 3 in order to pull up the marks...



be true to urself
6:10 PM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006
todae was a sad day for me...morning already in a bad mood...then Terrence Solaiman said my nick name then i throw my bag on the floor then i said sorry to him and Shi Hua cos it wasnt rite for me to throw my temper at them...however, i didnt say why i was like that...then had Eng oral for prelim and i failed terribly...die liao...i must buck up but i was too nervous and not even prepared jus now...then there's one time when Leslie pass by, i looked at him then when he saw me looking at him, his eyes look to somewhere else...i was depressed...then got to noe all the subjects except Music which i'm getting on Fri...failed quite a number of them...Eng, AM, Humans and surely fail Music wan...but nvm, must really pull up my socks after my Chi 'O' level paper...then after sch actually stayed back wif Eliz they all to wait for Ling and Hui Xian but i decided to go 1st...then saw Marvin, Leslie and dunno who else then Marvin called my name...then saw Jacqueline and Yvonne...so decided to walk down the hill wif the two gals...who noes that we saw them at the bus stop and Marvin called my name again...my parents knew all of my results liao but they didnt say anything lei...so strange...i rather they scold me and chase me out of the house...



be true to urself
4:10 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006
this is my 2nd entry for the day...today is Wed so ot theory wad but i went there then no lesson...i didnt see the calendar...then i saw can take the exam certificate liao mah then i ask the reception then i made a mistake...so paiseh lor...i dunno wad am i doing...then i went to Sembawang music and i finally found the cd i wanted...actually i wanted the other one but that one no stock liao so buy this one...it's The Greatest Classical Moments...it's very affordable and resonable...then today i almost lose my life when crossing the road...i was quite depress then i was like...everybody was like see me "not suang" like that...perharps i think too much bah...then also no appetite to eat...tml is post exam day....fri is vesak day and is also my cousin's house warming day...i'm excited yet dun feel like going...i wanna watch Poseidon...my elder brother ytd watch liao cos he's working at GV then he said it's quite nice...but 1 hr 40 mins...



be true to urself
8:15 PM

these few days haf finally past...mid-year gone...how i wish time could stop here cos i dun wanna noe the results...surely very bad...i dun even wish to think but i jus cant...then now very furious cos of my nose...if pass by Marvin they all then they would surely laugh at me wan but nvm, "xi guan" le...now dunno what to do...ytd jus cos of some things then cry...today almost cry cos of some things also...but i tried to control...i haf thought through le...but it would not be good...everything be it studies or wad now sucks like dunno what or should i say from the beginning till now is all sucks wan...haiz..wadever...



be true to urself
5:22 PM

Friday, May 05, 2006
these few days arent good...exams were crap...gonna flunk all subjects...get scolded by my brothers and parents for nothing...today's music paper 1 was crap...we werent taught how to write the essay on Prokofiev then test on us..it's like History and SS essay but how to write...12 marks some more...die liao lor...i haf read through most of the things but i dunno why for every exam, my mind would be blank then when the exam finishes, the memory came back...it's so frustrating...or should i say i haf a very poor memory...then ytd Ling wanted to "kill" me cos i kept on saying i cant pass my music...but in 2 weeks time, the results will be out...jus now, Samantha told me to study hard...lol...my heart is now shattered and i haf totally lost my confidence...i really wan to lend a listening ear but nobody can listen to me...



be true to urself
7:12 PM

these few days were very disappointed

Friday, April 28, 2006
these few days were very disappointed...i haven started on any revision and i'm gonna be dead especially for MEP paper 1...today's English is gonna flunk like siao...jus had MEP paper 3...which is practical...Lion Heart was alrite but my FFX song pulled my marks down...my rhythm was not on time...last year EOY was Tsunami then now FFX...both are my fave songs and it was easy to play but when i play with the background music, it sucks...haiz...today shi hua and ling came to my house...actually wanna study wan but end up playing...i'm now very scared...but there's no one to help me to overcome this fear...i dun wanna end up going to IMH...or having depression again...or should i say that i dun even haf depression in the 1st place...jus that ppl dunno...i'm so jubilant...
be true to urself
7:33 PM
Monday, April 24, 2006
i haf thought through le...i think that he still like a gal very much...anyway, i jus wanna say that he's getting cool and wanna wish him all the best...no matter who he's with, he will haf my blessings...and most importantly, the person must be the gal he really loves and the gal must nv ever betray his feelings or else she will die under my hands...if he's happy, i will be happy...if he's sad, i will be sad..having to confess to him for 4 times and having to be rejected everytime, i wanna tell him that i really LOVE him...though i didnt did anything for him, he's still the best that nobody can replace...i will not lose heart so easily and will nv forget abt him...
be true to urself
11:14 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2006
these few days dunno whether am i happy or sad...anyway, Leslie's nick has finally changed...he wrote "I'm going crazy over u....juz touch me baby" but i wonder who's that lucky gal...no matter who that is...whether my rival or wad...i dun care...i dun really treat the person he love as a rival cos i noe that i love him...on fri, saw Joanne when going to ACS(i) for MEP...we went there together...i felt so strange when a chio bu stand beside a "chio bu"...it's like very uncomfortable lor...she so tall and so chio then i sucks like dunno wad...the Mr Lee told us our timing for the Mid-Year Paper 3(practical)...so sian wan...last year end of year my timing was at 7pm...then this year mid-year at 5:30pm...always the last one...then i got Mr Lee's hp no...cos he scared i cant book the studio at Yamaha...on sat, went back to sch for poa...then Shu Wen and Ling came to my house and play...then i went for organ lesson...i was late...then they haf finished playing a song when i reached there...heard that Cheryl is leaving for Australia in July...that's great lor...go overseas for futher studies for her U cert...i wun get a chance...anyway, all the best to you Cheryl! Cheryl really rox lor...her studies, organ, guitar...all so pro...she's taking her organ exam in June...juz wanna wish her good luck...today went to help my dad...so sick and tired le...today got a sales person who is working for Subaru came and buy food was wearing the Subaru shirt...i told my mum that i really wan to work in a car company as a part time job but she objected...last time i told my dad, he scolded me and nag nag nag...now, my mum nag nag nag...i dunno why my parents dun understand wad i really wan...they dun like everything i do, say and wish for...
be true to urself
9:58 PM
Friday, April 14, 2006
todae afternoon went to play bbal wif Tracy they all...playing a while then rain heavily...so we went to the void deck and waited...after waiting, the guys continued playing while Tracy they all went to eat and i went home...at 4 plus, went out to go and meet Samantha they all at City Hall...i was the earliest then Qi You and Rebecca came...so we 3 went walking arnd...then someone called my hp and the person should be Leslie they all...cos the no is Leslie's phone no...then i was stunned then didnt reply...then the other call was from Zhi Han's phone and the other from Jin Hao's phone...then Jin Hao said "wad party are you opening" then i said "2/6 party" then he said "why you only ask Leslie nv ask us"...then Rebecca di siao so she called Leslie's phone and then said that she was me...then when i ans the phone, that person on Leslie's phone said "dun call back liao"...then i was like...wad haf i done wrong...not i call wan wad...then met Samantha then she told me not to give up on him...then all of us went to the gluttons area at Esplanade there to eat...then we went for the Haydn's Trumpet Concerto...the trumpeter was awesome sia...wad i dun like was the ending...45 mins non-stop playing and i almost fell asleep...after the concert, Naomi, Samantha, Wei Zhi, Evan, Jeff and i went to eat ice-cream at Andersen's of Denmark Cafe at Marina Square...actually we wanted to eat at Haagen Dazs but must wait for 20mins...we ordered the Family Fondue...was fantastic...costs $34.50 but i pay extra of $4 plus...but nvm...i enjoyed it and it's my 1st time sharing food wif the 5 of them...reach home at abt 11pm...
be true to urself
11:51 PM
Sunday, April 09, 2006
on fri, went for MEP...b4 that was my Chi oral exam...talked quite a lot but my reading was sucks...at MEP. we did on the differences between the 18th century and 20th century instruments...then we marked the melody writing for each other...i only got 19/25...a few had 25 and many had 20...but luckily it's not gonna be recorded in our report card...on sat, went for CO...then had organ lesson...my mood isnt very good after teacher had said that most prob only Cheryl can take the exam in June cos she had completed her A level and she is only left wif her arrangements...i am also left wif my arrangements but i haf no time to write as there are tonnes of hw to do...then wad makes me feel worse is Benjamin...i played Lion Heart, then i cant catch some notes then he said that i played wrongly...and is that everybody can hear wan lor...make me feel so embarassed and always sing praises to Cheryl...but nvm...Leslie is not like that can liao...today is my 1st time that i didnt go and pray my grandparents and uncle, aunties...haiz...cos got to do hw...hope that tml can be a better day...
be true to urself
6:42 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
it was the 1st day of the "camp" on fri...it is the only day which i'm the happiest of all the 3 days...we had 3 trainers...Amin, Danny and Wayne and of course the music man, Chun Lay...Amin was the one who made us laugh the most and also cry the most...on the 1st day after the course, Shi Hua, Ling Ling, Mei Fang, Emily and i went to Tiong Bahru market wif Marcus they all...at 1st, i thought that Leslie didnt go and Jun Hong they all say that he sending his girlfriend home then i was very depressed...but in the end he came...my mood was like 360 degrees turn back...then while Shi Hua was waiting with me for bus, Marvin they all walked past then Marvin said abt Leslie la then he knocked on the advertisement the thing...we laugh our ass off...so funny...the 2nd day, Amin talked abt some things that made us sad then many ppl cried...i'm one of them...then when we went home, Jun Hong they all board the same bus as us but *he* was not there...on the 3rd day, we went to sch on Emily's father's van...Shi Hua told me that Leslie, Joel, Carmen and Lynette sat on the same cab then Joel purposely sit infront then...forget it...maybe i think too much...then we wrote letters to our peers and the trainers...Jun Hong wrote me a letter that was so funny and i wrote to 23 ppl...then on the closing ceremony, many ppl cried...me too...Leslie also cried...i dunno wad's the reason but i feel sad when i saw him cry and this was the 1st time i saw him cry...after leaving the sch, i asked Jun Hong to tell him not to cry liao but dunno how...haiz...and thinking back, i haf regretted that my parents didnt went to sch ytd...i dunno how now...i dare to confess to *him*...but dun dare to say SORRY and I LOVE YOU to my parents cos i dunno where to start from...such a disappointement...
be true to urself
11:05 PM

go for CO

Sunday, March 26, 2006

ytd didnt go for CO cos nobody from 4/6 went...then at home doing hw and practicing organ...in the afternoon went for organ lesson...at 1st, i lead the class to play Lion Heart then lateri play myself cos teacher want to check out for my mistakes and i thought i haf corrected the same mistake over and over again but i didnt...then only Zhi Xiong play Love Affair then the other dun haf play...i haf thought of sumthing...maybe i can try taking Love Affair and compete wif him...but cos of the incident last time, i didnt play in the class for ages...but i did practice at home...then teacher ask me to play FFX...and it suck lor...cos my timing is not good...but wad do you expect me to do when i cant practice wif the diskette at home...btw, teacher also asked me whether i got buy a new organ liao...sian liao la...everytime ask me this qn...my dad has to pay for my grandma's expenses, stall rental, house expenses, my younger brother and my tuition fees, my younger brother's poket money, etc and my mum has to pay for my theory and organ fees, my elder brother and my poket money and etc...and most of the time i dun dare to take money from them to pay for my sch's need and the MEP fees or little expenes unless i cant afford to...sometimes i haf to book a studio for my organ exam and practice there and it cost me abt the price of 18 mentos for an hour...i dunno why i always think that some ppl haf a better organ than me and they dun wanna cherish it eg. they quit at a certain grade and why bother to spend so much time in the past and wasting their parents money...some ppl in the MEP study for half a year or a year then they say want to quit...isnt it a waste of everything? they can spend the time to study and save up the money...my parents say that i'm stupid that i didnt give up on MEP but i haf my plan...wad i do now is all part of my plan...so wad they say will not stop me from doing all this...i hope they understand...

be true to urself

10:04 AM

Friday, March 24, 2006

i dunno whether todae is a sway or lucky day...in the morning, i was almost late for sch cos i woke up late...then when i came home from MEP, i haf alighted the bus then i dunno how i walk then fell on the ground...my right knee bleed...but it's no big deal la...jus that people waiting at the bus stop dun wanna help me up...jus shocked by it...and i was rather "pai say" cos like this also fall down...then i was sian diao when i was going to walk up a flight of stairs then a stranger asked me if i'm alrite...maybe this gives me an experience of being independent bah...and i was falling like this for the 1st time ever in my life...sch was alrite and it's my 1st time ever during MEP that i laugh like siao cos of Mr Lee...we did melody writing today wad then he sang the melody and it sounds funny then we all wanted to make him sing a high pitch note but we failed to...anyway, we were giggling non stop for the whole day...then i can also say that i make a closer bond wif some of them like Soo Min, Naomi, Samantha and Li Choo, etc...i also nv expected that Soo Min would ask me for candy...funny sia...in conclusion, i really learnt a lot today and experience many things...however, i still dun understand some things...

be true to urself

11:07 PM

Saturday, March 18, 2006

today woke up at 10 plus den didnt went for CO...did hw and then went for organ lesson...toay learn the dunno wad song...then i played Lion Heart...Zhi Xiong played Love Affair...Han Yang played FFX...Cheryl played Winter Again...Benjamin played 1000 words...i didnt perform as well as the rest...haiz...then went to Bugis...then went home...

be true to urself

11:30 PM

ytd went to Sentosa for the 4/6 outing...was quite fun but is all cos of me that cause many probs...i cant control my temparament then was easily frustrated...then still "hao lian" to others...haiz...we played volleyball then also went to the seaside...then i wanted to throw the 3 pointer for bball but i cant score one...so lousy...then we stay until 7 plus then went to haf dinner...then went home after that...i'm really sorry guys if i haf did sumthing or say sumthing that hurt you all or made you all detest abt...

be true to urself

12:34 PM

Friday, March 17, 2006

todae ponten CO...went to Shu Wen's house...we did hw and then i played the piano a while...i sux at it lor...how to improve? then after that went home and went out to meet Hui Ying they all for the Eng project...then i saw Michelle and Cheryl then Kendrick and Jia Liang...Michelle and Cheryl could not recognise me..lol..then we took MRT to city hall and walked to esplanade...i took some photos while Hui Ying jot down notes...then we went and walk arnd then went to Marina Square to eat...after that, we went back to Esplanade and waited until the 7 plus...i did my hw there and they all taught me POA...haha...i finally understood my weakest chap...thanks to you guys...then we took the night scene...was ok...and i like a pic very much cos it's very unique...taken by Boon Hwee...then we chatted until nearly 9pm then went to take MRT to tiong...Zhi Long sent Hui Ying back home...lol...i'm still bewildered of whether to go sentosa tml...but i think most prob yes bah...

be true to urself

12:07 AM

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

todae went for POA then i was quite disappointed and stressed up...cos Ms You sort of shouted my name across the class then said that i'm not listening to her when she's teaching and i dunno how to ans her qns earlier...but i can see she delibrately call on me wan lor...then i dunno why i cant control myself then i cry...during Phy, learn abt Magnetism...still got hw...then after sch, went to eat and then go and play bball wif Shi Hua, Shu Wen, Ying Yan, Georgina, Yee May then Edumund, Ying Yao, Yuan Cheng and Regan joined us...Shi Hua, Shu Wen and Yee May came to my house and take the bball but we ended up playing PS2 and organ...then we were very late to meet them at the basketball court...had a funfilled day...actually i was quite disappointed that i didnt score the 3 pointer but i did...i dunno whether should it be improve or deteriorated but i noe that Shi Hua learn anything also so fast wan...that's good...but i'm a slow learner...

be true to urself

8:22 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

the mar holidays arent holidays at all...still must go back sch almost everyday...ytd went back for eng...then after that went to eat breakfast...then Shi Hua, Yee May, Georgina and Ying Yan came to my house to take the bball...but we play the organ 1st...i teach Shi Hua the chorus of the FFX song...she's a fast learner sia...teach her any song also learn so fast...Tsunami also...Georgina also not bad sia...then we went to play bball wif Jermaine they all...the weather was scorching and we play until 4 plus but we sitted there to chat until 5plus...then i went for tuition at night...todae went for Eng and it was gross...there were quite a number of bees in the ava theatrette...then had ss lesson...then Shu Wen and i went to Great World after that to find Ling and Hui Xian...after that, Ling and Shu Wen came to my house and play PS2 until 5plus...after that, i went for tuition...i was even earlier than the teacher...actually i was late already cos he said this week's tuition is 5:10pm then i 5:30pm++ then reach...after tuition, came home and do my homework...sian...still got E and A math, POA, SS, Eng and Chem to complete...

be true to urself

11:58 PM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

on fri, got beack results for CA1...it's so terrible..then mid year exam is starting in Apr...went for MEP...pathetic only 11 people went...practical is coming and the minimum is 5 minutes and max. is 10 mins...either one song or two songs...i also dunno which song to choose..then it ended quite early...5pm...then went home to study for my Theory exam...

had Theory Grade 5 Exam on Sat...it was alrite but i am quite worried wad would the result turn out to be...then after that, i went down to scape for the family venture...i feel so sort of guilty and disapointed cos i didnt do anything to help my team...after that, went to have lunch wif Gah Yan and Siti at Pastamania...i foun out that *he* really got learn piano and some more in Grade 6 now...i thought that they were jus joking wif it but i think it's real...then i went for my organ lesson...it was miserable yet fulfilling...teacher gave us 4 songs at one shot...but i am not that worried cos 2 of which are grade 7 songs...i also saw the grade 5, teacher's grade's song...was not easy...but dun care so much liao...i dun wan to take Let It Be as one of my exam song le...i changed to Lion Heart...i dunno why all of them especially Benjamin was shocked...but then Zhi Xiong can play well wad...even better than me lor...though i made some mistakes, they still clap for me...delighted...teacher also say that this is much better than the other songs i play...then Mrs Yow wants to see my parents..she called my home...die liao...dunno what she gonna tell them...

todae went to help my parents...then went for tuition...then went to Suntec wif my brothers and father...we bought a monitor...my dad bought for me a digicam...though it's not the one i wan, it's already better than nothing...however, i'm still waiting for the June holidays to come as there might be a promotion on the stagea ELS-01 organ...my parents are gonna broke this year...mostly cos of me...pay for my theory exam, upcoming organ exam, maybe buying me a new organ, coming 'O' level exam fees and my music sch fees are increasing and abt 3 or 4 of my cousins are married or marrying this year...

be true to urself

10:14 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

on Sat, went to Ngee Ann Poly and played the Family Venture game...though we went into the finals, we are the last team...but nvm...try harder this coming Sat...today got quite a number of hw...sian...then tml still must complete the internal exam for my theory...i'm now so confused...this coming Sat got the Family Venture final, external exam for theory and organ lesson...fri's MEP also dunno wad time going to end...thurs still got CO...these few days not feeling good also...cos of some reasons...then keep on showing AP...and scolding people...

be true to urself

9:58 PM

it's so boring and tired

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

it's so boring and tired these few days as it was Chinese New Year...tml must go back sch again...how i wish it was the end of the year...this year get very little ang pow...then now very puzzled abt some things...wadever...i found it strange that the cousins who i am closer to seems to be drifting then the cousins who i'm not that close to are closer to me now...then my cousins are quite close to one another...got to mix with others then forget abt me...jealous...actually not, but in fact i'm feeling depressed...cos all of them can get well with each other then i'm the lonely one...maybe i think too much bah...but it's the truth wad...

today went for tuition...i was the 1st to go cos i did well then quite deligheted cos this is the 1st time i did something that well...had a Very Good with 3 stars on it...like kindergarden kids...but i doubt that i can maintain this kind of standard...then went to my cousin's house...he got an organ...though it's better than mine but still dun haf the function required...i also dunno how...see bah...my skills also so lousy...i'm now feel sick abt somethings too...haf been bothering me for days, weeks, months and years...

be true to urself

7:51 PM

Saturday, January 28, 2006

ytd after sch, went out wif Shi Hua, Ling, Shu Wen, Eliz, Hui Xian, Victoria, Shu Yun, Mei Fang, Mei Yee, Emily and some of the guys, Marvin and etc...i quite disappointed yet glad cos...haiz...some of you may noe why...then Shu Yun went home while the rest of us went to PS to watch movie but then the movie only starts at 7 plus so Shi Hua, Ling and I went to Bugis and shop...then we went back to PS and find the rest...movie ended at nearly 10 then some went home while some went to eat then i went to grab something to eat cos my mum wans me to get home quick...when i reach home, after a while arnd 11:45pm, then my parents and my aunt went to work...
today, i went to help them in the morning then went out wif Shu Wen, Shi Hua and Ling to Bugis Street...we walk walk then Shu Wen and Ling went home 1st...then Shi Hua and i shop there a little while...then we went to Bugis Junction and bought a belt...i like it a lot cos the colour it's striking and matches most of the colours or in fact all but nth is perfect...Shi Hua's one is also very nice...splendid...in total, i spend arnd $50 for a shoes, belt and top...i'm gonna save more money now cos i really spend a lot this new year...i'm gonna broke...

be true to urself

10:16 PM

Monday, January 23, 2006

haiz...these few days so much hw to do...i still haven completed my theory work and my arrangements for music...so much to write...still got new songs to learn...my mum jus asked me abt the organ but when will she buy? or NV...but nvm...at least i still can catch up wif the rest...Chem, Phy and Eng haf so much hw...but bo bian...this year O level lei...i found out something but it may not be true...but i dunno how to say...then today jus had the POA re-test...Ms You was shocked that i had to retake the test...many teachers and my parents haf very high expectations of me...and i also haf very high expectations of myself too...cos of this POA test that i failed, i cried...arent i stubborn or wad...haha...

be true to urself

5:37 PM

Saturday, January 21, 2006

these few days so tired...hw and hw...ytd went out wif Ling, Shi Hua, Shu Wen, Eliz, Shu Yun, Mei Fang and Emily to Orchard...they played pool except Eliz, Shi Hua and i...then Shu Yun they all went to eat Swensen's ice cream then Ling, Shi Hua and i went to walk walk at Heeren..then went to Taka and had our dinner...i treat them dinner cos i still got the Taka vouchers...then we chatted and eat until near 10pm...then reached home at near to 11pm...then did POA and Phys hw...today went to CO...then had instant noodles for breakfast...then went for organ lesson in the afternoon...learn a new song...but it seems old...it's titled Take 5...then they take turn to play songs except Cheryl and i...then went to Chinatown wif my parents then went home...sian...still
got Eng and some Chem to finish...

be true to urself

9:58 PM

Saturday, January 14, 2006

todae went for CO then had bread for lunch...so hungry...morning didnt eat...then went for organ lesson...then Stagea Mini is out and i wan it...costs $3000+...but only can put thumbdrive du haf diskette...i played Tsunami as teacher wans to hear if there's any improvement...then i'm very pleased wif my playing...Benjamin and the "yellow guy" then clapped after my playing...haha...so happy...then the "yellow guy" aka Han Yang also played Tsunami...Benjamin and Cheryl played Winter Again...i lead the class wif Harry Potter but it sucks man...and also one thing...Benjamin wear the same colour t-shirt as me...last week also the same...then went to Orchard and walk the go home...

be true to urself

9:18 PM

Monday, January 09, 2006

it's only the starting of Jan and everyone's so busy...on mon got chem...tues, got sch then got theory and tuition...wed got nothing for the time being...thursday got CO and tuition...fri got MEP...sat got organ...sun also got tuition...on fri, went for MEP then everyone must but a book...costs $62 each and also adding to it is a ticket for a concert coming Apr which costs $8...a total of $70...then i may be the happiest and saddest of all time on Sat...many things happen...at first is abt somebody then during the organ lesson is abt another person...both things make me joyous yet dejected...Benjamin gave me a better impression than b4 but er he..i dun wanna continue le la..

be true to urself

9:44 PM

todae morning went for poa remedial

Monday, October 31, 2005

todae morning went for poa remedial...i dunno is overall below 70 or SA2 below 70 then need to go but forget it...then we did 3 qns on TPL & B/S...then after that walked down the hill wif Yvonne and Jacqueline...we talked abt many things...then went home had biscuits as brunch...then play com...practice organ...did composing and improvising of songs...then watch tv and did some work...then did household chores...so bored...

be true to urself

11:11 PM

Sunday, October 30, 2005

ytd went for organ...learned new song...however, i'm still stuck at the song Tamashi..the anime...then now a Donald Duck song...dunno wad Chum...dunno wad...but den sort of Euro beat /techno...then i played Lawrence of arabia...then i accidentally step onto the pedal then that Benjamin aka Jun Yan said he didnt sabo me then dunno wad...wadever...then the "Yellow-shirt" guy played Final Fantasy...so di siao wan...go put the tempo at 40%...wa lao...so slow...then still got play other songs and also did improvisation...then Benjamin played Final Fantasy X-2's 1000 words...i'm not sure if it's that version...then went to eat Sakae Sushi wif my parents and elder bro...then went home...

todae went to help my parents...so pissed off...got so many people wad then must wait wan rite then one elderly said i dunno then dun come help la...but i said wait liao wad...no patience wan...then got one is i told her liao that there isn any more ingredients in the porridge liao...then she said okie and i gave her the bowl then i tell her again but then she dun wan liao...freak out...then worse thing is that my salary cut down another $5...it has been cut for the 2nd time...consecutively...if this continues, i will not help out anymore lor...but i must prove to all of them that wad Ms Lim had told me...i cant accept failure easily and gets depressed easily...so i must prove them wrong...but can i? i doubt so...

be true to urself

5:52 PM

Saturday, October 29, 2005

ytd was the last day of sch...gotta bring lots of stuff back home...actually not that much...then went back to sch wif my mum and bro...then JO talked to my bro abt my results...haiz...i haven even see the result slip then my bro see first...quite discouraged wif my results...but i had expected...cos i didnt put in my best effort...my class position goes up by 2 but level drop by 2...then JO says dun worry much...haiz...then after that went to see Ms Lim...she keep on asking why my maths deteriorated a lot...then maybe cos of my time management bah...JO and Ms Lim both also say abt my time management and i haf high expectations and etc...haiz...then went to look for Ms Wong...then talked abt CO stuff...then i went for theory lesson...for this 2-3 weeks, i'm doing the past year papers...then can go to grade 5...so slack...nvm...i try to finish my grade 5 by dec...then after that i went to meet shi hua to pass her her stuff...then bought food for my family...went home...

be true to urself

8:49 AM

Saturday, October 22, 2005

these few days arent good for me...got back results and they are not convicing...got to noe more knowlege and noe more of my personality...i am a BAD person...the one who is a nuisance to the world...she's always the odd one...everyone hates her to the core...she cant do well in anything...be it studies or music or sports...she cant even do sumthing that a 3 year old can do...arent she stupid...haha...of course she's that stupid...nobody cares to bother this person anymore cos she dun bother to care abt herself...she's 15 yet she dunno what is rite or wrong...she is the stupiest person i ever noe...even her father dun have any trust in her...her cousins and friends dun wanna be wif her...how i wish she can die earlier or immediately...

be true to urself

12:10 PM

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

ytd was bad...i'm gonna flunk me MEP...at most la...the most i can hope is a C6...but then cant also like this compare la...actually i shouldnt pick up MEP...first, i dun even haf a grade 5 theory standard or even a grade 3 until i started learning theory this year...now i'm still at grade 4...left a scetion to grade 5...i also wish that i could learn faster but it's already very fast le...i may fall any time or should i say that i'm always maintaining a D7, E8 grade...let the time determine bah...

todae someone told me that i'm drifting...liao...i also feel so...esp during A math and A math tuition...i haf let that person down...and my physic test wasnt reflecting...and i found that i haf lose my confidence even b4 the eof papers...wad am i gonna do now...and i haf chatted wif my dad and mum for some time...but then, my dad gave me a subtle hint of wad he wanted me to pick up...is this forcing or advicing? i'm now in a loss...but that person told me that he dun wan me to be in a complete loss for now...

be true to urself

9:01 PM

Saturday, October 01, 2005

todae woke up at 11am...then had lunch at 12 plus...went for math tuition at 1 plus...tuition finished at 4 plus...went for organ lesson...todae we learn a new song...i think i heard b4...it's like in an anime wan...then todae the expert didnt come then my turn to take over his place for the song...haha...so pai seh you noe...he so pro then i so lousy...then went home...tml still must help my dad and then Mon still got EOF MEP WRITTEN exam...i sure screw up the whole paper wan....

be true to urself

11:01 PM

todae is the end of year for eng

Friday, September 30, 2005
todae is the end of year for eng...hope that i can at least get a B4 for overall...wish bah...feeling sad...i surely fail badly wan...if not then a mere pass...todae learn new topic for theory...hope to take grade 8 theory and grade 6 pract by next year june if not i can take pract 1st by march...i only wish to focus more on my studies now...i neglected on my studies for years...i didnt put in a single effort in my studies or should i say is everything...haiz...
be true to urself
11:17 PM
Thursday, September 29, 2005
todae was feeling quite despondent...cos of many things...but i thought for a very long time le...i wish that i could haf another chance so that i can make up my mistakes...i cant forget abt the MEP pract on mon...i starting was too fast le but i try to slow down then cant...while playing, i noe i made lots of mistakes and i noe where i stand...i made the most mistakes on my pedals...then i almost cry...then Mr Lee asked me to play some parts of other songs for him to listen so that he can tell me what to play for the 'O' levels...i haf chosen the wrong song this time...actually not really wrong la is cos the tempo is moderate...then he ask me to choose one that is slow and one fast for 'O' levels...it may be a big challenge to me cos my organ does not really haf the function for the tempo...and i would always play faster than the original of the fast song or slower when the song is slow...like The Entertainer that i played for months b4 going for exams last grade...but then it is always like this wan lei...i practice real hard and well wan rite, the examiners dun choose it and choose those which i play only recently...then i also think that i'm too selfish cos i wan a new organ but then it costs quite a lot...if i every week book a studio, i will eventually broke...the non-peak hours also need $10.50 for an hour...and i pay it using my pocket money...i still owe my brother $100 over dollars and $80 over dollars to my dad...still need save up for overseas studies + overseas trip, organ exam, MEP and many many more...then Jason Sien sms agian...i thought that he wun sms le cos it's nearly a month since he last call and sms me...but todae he asked me wanna meet him anot...i'm now confused...tml is Eng enf of year le...jus hope that i can do well for all the subjects this time...
be true to urself
9:23 PM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I'm officially 15 todae...actually quite despondent but also jubilant...so sad cos my closest cousin who will without fail at least sent me a greeting and give me a present every year...maybe cos of my father and my uncle's misunderstandings bah...but very grateful to you all...esp Shi Hua, Eliz, Ling, Shu Wen, Shu Yun, Mei Fang, Hui Xian and many more...thanks for all the greetings...presents and the cake...i haf waited for years but that wish will nv fulfil...
be true to urself
8:16 PM
Sunday, September 25, 2005
i was actually quite jovial the past 2 days cos of some improvements in my music...both theory and pract...but then i'm quite scared of tml's MEP pract...i surely out of beat wan lor...nvm...jus wish myself good luck...must haf more confidence...then todae went out wif Shu Wen and we went to the Central Lending Library...go up every floor...had a great time...then went to the Mac nearby...taught each other a and e math...did my poa...and speech...then i call my dad asking if they are going out to eat or wad...then we went to Tiong and i bought a slice of Black forest cake for my dad as it was his birthday todae...jus wanna say that though i hated you for some time, you are still my dad and i'm sry for was i haf done...anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! i cant really promise that i can fulfil your dream as it is really to my extent that you cant force me to study wad i dun really like and haf to act infront of all my peers, cousins, uncles, aunts and etc. that i really like to study that particular course in poly....however, you are still my dad...then i came home saw no one at home...my illusion tells me that they are out for dinner...i'm worried that he wun eat that cake and i will be angry...they are not gonna celebrate my birthday for sure...last year still scolded me on my birthday...wad can i do...i cant scold them...nvm...
be true to urself
7:06 PM
Sunday, September 11, 2005
ytd went to help my parents at their stall...it's been 2 months since i last help them and a customer was not very happy abt my service...i added the toppings that she wanted but then that is the most i can add for her...or else i will be sacked by my dad...the ingredients for the food need money also lei...then forget it...worse one was being sort of scolded at last time...then went home by myself...until 4plus went for organ lesson...i was quite despondent cos i was being asked to play Lawrence of Arabia on the teacher's organ...i didnt practice at home so went there only noe how to play rite hand and pedal...then the other guy played very well...then teacher checked on our playing of part a to the chorus there on each of us...actually it's not that difficult...but it jus needed some time...then we also played Whiter shade of pale, Voyager, Final Fantasy and ET...luckily teacher didnt ask me to play ET again...then i booked a studio for my MEP prac on 26th sep...the studio with stagea and costs me $15.75 an hour...cos peak hours...then at night when watching tv that time, got a stranger knock on the door very forcefully and trying to open the door...then he was shouting very loudly also...i was very scared...then my father act one lor...go open the door then the person said sry cos wrong house...i thought that person was JASON SIEN lei...now i so scared...todae did my hw...watch tv and maybe going out wif my parents later...then packed my MEP file and i think that we are going to get bak our test paper tml and i dunno how...i screwed up the paper surely die wan lor tml...must do well for prac liao and my EOY...o ya...ytd had a bad dream again...i now really very scared...
be true to urself
3:52 PM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
todae woke up very late...11am...then did some hw...then ate my breakfast cum lunch...i cant eat finish then throw away...my elder brother went to hospital for check up...the doctor say he is stomach swollen then etc...luckily no need operation...i hope i'm not the same prob as him...mine is either my illusion or more complexed...cos he need to go hospital then i had to stay alone at home...my parents 4plus then came home...i practice my organ...i didnt dare to asked my mum abt buying an organ for me...i gave her subtle hints...but no response...forget it...i also noe i'm so lousy...buy le also no diff...then i'm also wondering...if i really had probs wif my health then i would be the one spending the most money among my brothers...then Jason Sien sms again...i ignored him...then i dunno why todae keep on scaring myself...now my heart feel quite pain...and the kidney there...but i think is i think too much le bah...if it's really that pain then i wun be here blogging...
be true to urself
9:43 PM
Friday, September 02, 2005
ytd went to PS cos i haf booked a studio for practicing...costs me $10.50 an hour...it was great cos i get to use the Stagea...and EL-900...there are also other models but as gd as these 2...after that, went to meet Shu Wen, Shu Yun and Eliz...i bought dark choco and biscuit for my 3 meals as i didnt eat yet and even when i reach home...then we waited for Emily and went to play pool...i am so lousy...then abt 6 or 7plus, Leslie, Regan, Mayson, Jun Hong, Jin Hao, Tracy, Joacquim came...they played lan games...then we play until 8 plus went home...then i watch tv until 11pm...did my theory hw until 12plus...todae went back to sch...dunno why i lost my chinese "si han" book...strange...i asked a lot of people they say got hear teacher calling my name when giving out that time...the we get to noe our overall marks...i fail Eng...why isit always Eng that i failed...but nvm...still got end of year to catch up...everyone should also jia you...i felt disappointed cos some of the classmated failed 3 subs then i only fail 1...i think i didnt care abt their concern...i'm so SORRY...i think that my expectations are always very high...however, no matter how much effort i out in, i will nv get gd results...and my parents will nv be gratified...went for theory lesson...i'm elated...luckily my effort out in ytd is not wasted...i spend one hour doing all 8 pages and i need not redo any...todae i haf learned a lot of new things...i would feel jubilant if i had learn somthing new, understand it well and knowing hoe to do...then went to a Jap restuarant wif my parents...ate Tom Yam ramen...so spicy that my gastric hurts when i reach home...but not that pain...i dunno why these days sometimes will get gastric pain then heart pain and my old sickness...ate a ice-cream mooncake...did my theory hw again...
be true to urself
11:56 PM